Awkward Vampire Picture Show
by At A Venture
Summary: EricSookie. Annoyed that Eric has been MIA for several months, she spends her nights off work alone, watching romantic comedies. When Eric shows up late one night to talk, Sookie subjects the vampire to a little girl time.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I got so much feedback about my BTVS/SVM "crossover" story that I decided to combine my love of romantic comedies with the awkward and tense relationship between Eric and Sookie. This multi-chapter story will follow much the same MST3K format as "Art Imitates Life". This chapter is rated T but future chapters may be M. Enjoy!_

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**Awkward Vampire Picture Show**

_Chapter 1_

I found myself staring at the phone one night, a dreary rainy night in October. It was a Thursday, an unpleasant Thursday in a series of unpleasant Thursdays. Maybe if I stared at the phone long enough, it would ring. That had worked yesterday, I recalled. I'd been at work, and the Wednesday night shift had been abnormally quiet. Sure, it's Wednesday and most of Bon Temps saves outings for Friday and Saturday, but we get at least a few drunks before the night is over. Wednesday brought out Jane Bodehouse and a few men on a road trip for parts north, but that was pretty much it. At one point, I'd found myself staring at the phone, hoping for a family emergency to get me out of washing another table, filling another ketchup bottle. The phone over the bar rang like magic, like it had been divinely inspired! Sam grabbed it from the wall and held it to his ear. Then he held it out to me.

Pam was on the end of the line.

"Hey Sookie," Pam said into the phone. Of course you can't see expressions through the telephone, but a tone in her voice told me Pam wasn't smiling.

Things had been crazy since the new regime, since the King of Nevada had swooped in to conquer the states controlled by Queen Sophie-Anne. Eric, the only sheriff anyone considered worth his salt, had conceded to the take over. The whole business of Louisiana's vampire underbelly turned on its side. Of course, that meant that I'd been wholly separated from the Viking I'd been blood bound to, and his small posse of underlings. I hadn't even seen my neighbor, Bill Compton, in months. Not that I really wanted to, mind you. After about two months of silence from the vampire element (no visits, no phone calls, no letters, nothing!), Pam had stopped by the bar to visit and, I'm sure, check on me. She'd order a drink, ask me about my life, and then disappear again. She never stayed for more than a half hour, and she wouldn't linger outside the bar either. It was the strangest thing.

"Are you working tomorrow night?" Pam asked. I shook my head before I realized the movement wouldn't convey through the phone.

"No, I'm off,"

"Oh. Okay. Bye Sookie." The phone clicked. I stared at it. In fact, I stared at it for a solid minute before I registered that Pam had hung up. Then I hung up too.

Thursday was quiet and empty and long. I did two loads of laundry, then washed the dishes. I went through some old clothes to sort out which ones were worth taking to Good Will. For awhile, I sat on the sofa and tried to concentrate on a new book, but it just wasn't happening. At last, I decided to drive over to the video store for a couple of movies. If I was going to spend the night alone, again, I'd at least get a little entertainment out of it.

The video store was packed because the weather report had threatened rain. Halleigh Bellefleur was standing in the drama section with _A River Runs Through It_ in one hand and _Legends of the Fall_ in the other. She had good taste, I'd give her that. I moseyed past Portia in the horror section (go figure) and turned left into romantic comedies. Even when you're, essentially, single, romantic comedies are the best. They always made me feel a little lighter in the heartache department, like I wasn't the only one dealing with man-related issues; that it would all work out in the end. Men, I snorted. Men were all alike, breathing or not.

Now I was sitting on the sofa in front of the television. The fireplace crackled across the room, casting a warm reddish glow on the hearth. I had a bowl of popcorn, still piping hot, and a glass of Coke. Rain splattered the window. I tried not to think about how lonely I was. Don't worry, Sookie, these sorts of movies always cheer you up. You'll be fine. You don't need a man to keep you company!

But I hadn't seen Eric in three months. I missed him.

The bastard.

I got up to put the DVD in the player, but when I crouched down to take the disc out of its case, there was a knock at the door. Oh hell, it was eight o'clock! If that was Jason coming to ask for food because Crystal had kicked him out of the house, I wasn't taking him in. Maybe it was Amelia. Maybe she'd forgotten her key. No no, she'd knock on the back door if anything. I groaned and stretched as I got up from the floor. Grr, how frustrating.

In stocking feet, I stomped over to the door. Already riled up, already annoyed at the intrusion, I didn't even think about checking before I opened the door. Instant regret. Eric Northman was standing on my doorstep, and he was soaking wet.

Have you ever seen a dog come in out of the rain? You know, one of those big shaggy dogs, like a golden retriever? Their fur is all wet and sopping, probably leaving little puddles on the floor. Their eyes are all sad and mopey, perfect for tugging at your heart strings. You don't want to let the dog in because let's face it, he'll drag his wet body up onto your sofa, shake out his fur, and try to warm himself up in your lap. It's all very pathetic.

Eric looked pathetic now. He had that same wet dog look, and thankfully none of the wet dog smell. His thick blond hair was plastered against his face and neck. His white tee shirt was see through. His denim jeans had soaked up water so that he was wet to the knees. I shivered just looking at him. The vampire couldn't have looked sexy if he tried, if he'd even wanted to look the part of the dashing and powerful Sheriff of Area 5. I wanted to snigger, to mock him. After all, I hadn't seen him in months and now here he was, wet dog and tragic and sad.

"Eric," I coughed instead of giggling.

"My lover," he replied with a thick voice. Oh no, he didn't dare! My bed, my heart, had been cold for three months and he was calling me his lover? Was he on drugs?! I narrowed my eyes at him, took in the full extent of his tragic appearance, and twisted up my mouth.

"You look like a drowned rat." I spat. The nerve!

"May I come in?" He asked, not even giving me the dignity of a retort. All I wanted for about five seconds was a stellar fight, a real screaming match. I considered slamming the door in his face. His car wasn't even sitting in the driveway. He'd walked, probably flown here, in the rain, in the muck.

"Fine." I grunted. "But don't sit anywhere." Right. That'd teach him.

Eric stood in the middle of the floor and waited for me to shut the door, walk down the hall to the closet, fetch him a towel (pink with a white eyelet ribbon around the base), and pretty much hurl it at him from three feet away.

"You sent Pam," I growled at him. I just knew it, knew that he'd sent his lap dog (okay, Pam's my friend but she's Eric's child first) to check up on me, probably to see if I'd started dating someone else. Which, by the way, I totally would have if the situation had presented itself!

"I couldn't leave. They'd use you against me if they knew how…"

"How what?" I barked, cutting him off. "How you completely cut me off? How you obviously don't care enough to call or write or leave a fucking message?" Wow, I was really angry. Note the swearing?

"Sookie, these are dangerous times. If something happened to you…"

"Plenty of things have happened to me! I've been shot at, staked, stuck in a building that was blowing up around my ears, kidnapped, beaten up, kicked, raped, and all while I was around you! I don't think it could get much worse! All you had to do was pick up the damn phone!"

"Sookie, listen to me," Eric frowned. He'd dried off his hair, but his clothes were soaked through.

"Don't. Just don't okay? I don't want to hear it. I don't! It's my night off and I'm watching a movie. Stay if you want. Sit on the towel. But I don't want to hear a peep about how you're a god damned bastard!"

And with that, I stuck the DVD in the player with a little too much force, and slumped on the sofa. Eric let out a low sigh and placed the towel on the sofa cushion. He sat down stiffly, careful not to get his wet backside on the floral fabric. I dared a glance at his face and saw that those big blue eyes of his were dark with irritation, anger. He folded his hands on his lap and stared straight ahead.

"What is the film?" He spoke calmly through clenched teeth.

"Bridget Jones' Diary," I replied plainly.

"What is it about?"

"It's a feminist treatise about close friends. It teaches women to be single and avoid the tragedy of relationships." Not strictly true, but he didn't know that.

"Ah," was his brief reply.

I hit play.

"See, thirty-two years of singlehood," I said firmly. And Bridget was definitely capable of getting laid without having to date.

"They're British," Eric muttered.

"So?"

"I haven't been to Britain since…"

"Watch the movie." I grunted. Like I cared.

"He seems nice, attractive." Eric said, referring to Mark Darcy, the man in the ugly reindeer sweater.

"That's not something to base a relationship on." I pointed at the screen. "See? He's a complete jerk!"

I curled up on the sofa, making sure to avoid kicking Eric, or even touching him. I thought about getting up for a beer. Sounded like a great idea actually. Eric watched me get up.

"I don't have any blood," I said as I opened the fridge. "No vampires visit me anymore. It went bad. I threw it out."

"I'm fine," Eric said quietly.

"I didn't ask," I said. I sat back down and took a swig of beer from the bottle.

"She's belligerent, a drunk," Eric made a sour face.

"It was New Year's!" I said defensively. I couldn't remember when I'd last gotten drunk on New Year's Eve. I think I was in high school.

"Do you drink often, Sookie?"

"Whenever I feel like it!" Okay, so I rarely felt like it. Not a big deal.

"So flirting is acceptable in this feminist…what was it?"

"It's an individual choice, Eric. If a guy isn't a complete jerk, flirting is completely acceptable. The thing is, most men, at least every man I've ever met, are assholes."

"I see." He was stiff again. I hoped I was getting to him.

"So he's asked her out, and she said no?" He blinked at the screen.

"She's in control of the situation. She doesn't have to drop her own plans for him."

"I see. Modern women are very strange, Sookie."

"Strange how? Because we don't bend over backwards for you people?"

"We…people?"

"You people with the penises."

"Ah, those people. I thought you liked my penis, Sookie."

"Shut up." I growled. Try not to blush, Sookie. Remember how he ignored you!

Okay, what I've always loved about this film is that Bridget feels socially awkward. When people are being overtly intelligent and I have no idea what's going on, I get that very same grin on my face. Damn people trying to talk over my head like I'm some kind of idiot. Come to think of it, Eric and Bill have done the same thing! Bastards. I definitely wasn't thinking about Eric's penis now.

Oh, crap.

"Do you have a dress like that?" Eric asked, a very small smile on his face. Was he trying to flirt when I was so obviously angry at him?

"No." I said.

"Perhaps I should get you one. It looks very nice."

"I don't need charity, Eric."

"Where I'm from, we call them gifts."

"Right. Whatever." He wasn't going to get back in my bed by buying me a sexy dress.

"Honestly, I wouldn't mind having sex with Hugh Grant," I said thoughtfully. There, that'd rile him up.

"Oh? He seems a bit short to me." Eric said calmly.

"Everyone's shorter than you, Eric. He's very handsome, and funny." I paused and the scene changed. "He also looks quite good naked."

"The woman is also very pretty. Why don't we see her naked?"

"It's a film for women! Besides, it's a very pretty bra."

"It certainly is."

I muttered under my breath.

We sat in silence for awhile, just watching the television. Bridget was guffawing about her boyfriend, and then he was taking her away for the weekend. Briefly I thought about how nice it would be to go away for the weekend with Eric. We could have sex all night and sleep all day, and I wouldn't get into any scrapes with Weres or vampires or even regular ol' people. Wouldn't that be unusual?

"What are you thinking about?" Eric asked me. I guess I had a glazed look on my face.

"Just how nice it would be to do that rowboat thing," I said, nodding at the television.

"Oh. I didn't know you enjoyed the water."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me." I frowned.

"So it would seem," Eric muttered.

"See, men are jerks. They spend all night with you and then abandon you after they'd made a commitment," I frowned, pointing aggressively at the movie. Hugh Grant was leaving Bridget for the weekend and it was all very rude.

"He seems to have a valid reason."

"Work isn't a reason!" I squeaked. Okay okay, so that wasn't subtle. But really, work was NOT a valid reason for ditching your…whatever I was, I mean, whatever Bridget was. Oh hell.

"Sookie, we really need to…"

"Stop. Movie." I interrupted, holding up my hand.

"That isn't actually what a common prostitute wears," Eric said, changing tack, as if I hadn't just cut him off mid-sentence.

"When was the last time you… Nevermind, I don't want to know." But I was curious, really curious.

"Red is more common. In fact, it was once the law," Eric tilted his head.

"That's great." Except that it wasn't great. It was terrible.

"See, this is what happens. THIS!" I was jabbing my finger at the screen again.

"What? She bothered him at work."

"No, no, not that. Just you watch." I had a searing vision of Bill and his maker. I actually felt a bit sick.

"Oh," Eric said quietly. "That."

"Yes! THAT!" I growled.

"Sookie, I'm not…"

"We're not talking about it!" I squeaked. I tossed the rest of the beer down my throat, and got up for another one. When I turned to see Bridget crying in the bath, that was exactly where I wanted to be. I glugged the brew in one gulp and grabbed another one from the fridge.

Maybe I should've watched something else.

He's not seeing someone else, I thought. But now it was all I could do not to imagine him in bed with someone else, someone prettier, someone smarter. My stomach wobbled. I sat down again.

"You're getting drunk, Sookie." Eric observed.

"So?" I griped back at him. "It's only three beers. I can handle three beers!" Gin. What I really wanted was gin. Ooh, and chocolate.

"The woman in the movie is also drunk."

"Yep." I agreed. Mm, chocolate ice cream with peanut butter would be divine right now. I drank half the bottle in front of me.

I was watching the movie again, watching Bridget smirk at Daniel and telling him to get bent. I giggled. Eric raised an eyebrow and looked at me inquisitively. With the kind of attitude I reserved for moments of intoxication, I stuck out my tongue at the irritated Viking. Yep, I was on fire now. Sookie, you need another beer.

"I need another beer," I beamed, daring him to interfere. He didn't. Smart vampire, he was. I set the empty bottle beside the kitchen sink and dug around in the cabinets for something a bit stronger. In Amelia's cabinet, to my surprise, there was a bottle of tequila. Ooh tequila! I grabbed the bottle and scurried back to the television to watch Mark Darcy be awkward and awesome at the same time. The tequila stung the back of my throat. My eyes watered.

"Say it!" I beamed at the television. "Seriously, this is the most unusual way to hit on someone, but he looks so honest when he does it." I wasn't talking to Eric, but babbling at the TV.

_I like you very much, just as you are._ I squealed with happy, slightly drunk giggles. Now that was the way to suck up to a girl. Yep, that was totally it. Eric sat beside me with both eyebrows raised. His perfect skin wrinkled a little.

Everything was getting romantic now. Why couldn't Eric be romantic? Argh. Tequila was more romantic than the cold, damp blond butthead sitting beside me.

"What is she doing?" Eric frowned as though he could sense the impending doom of the situation.

"Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you know how to cook or even like it," I pointed out, slurring my words a little.

"I didn't know the two were related." Eric observed.

"Oh sure, right. You don't even know how to microwave your own blood!" Okay, that wasn't true because I was sure I'd seen him do it. Jason, my brother, couldn't even find the spatula in the kitchen sink.

"Perhaps you should stop drinking,"

"Oh right! You'd like that wouldn't you!" I sputtered before I glugged another mouthful of alcohol straight from the bottle.

"I would."

"Fine!" I put the cap on the bottle and thrust it at him. He took it. "But only because I'm actually respectful of someone's feelings!"

Eric sighed loudly.

"You never once fought over me," I observed. It was getting to that part of the movie. Bill and Eric replaced Daniel and Mark in my head, fighting over me. It was pretty hot actually. Bill's shirt would be stuck to him because it was raining. Eric's hair would be all in disarray and he'd be half-naked. There'd be blood on both of them, but just a little so I could nurse the winner back to health. Yep, that would be great. Drooling. I was definitely drooling.

"I did not have claim to do so," Eric replied. He was gazing from me to the television and back again. "Is that what you want?"

"Maybe,"

"Who would you like me to hit? Bill? The tiger? Alcide?"

If I actually answered, he might do it. Bill had hurt me, so Eric could kick him in the teeth. Quinn had betrayed me… Hm, best not to answer at all.

"Sookie?" He was still looking for a response.

"I am _watching_ a movie, Eric," I frowned to avoid the answer.

"Right." He ground his teeth together. I could feel his anger making me angry. "And when it's over, you'll answer me."

"Whatever," I muttered. Unfortunately, the movie was almost over. Maybe by then, I could figure out how to talk to him. Psh, doubt it.

The movie was winding up, and my mood switched from haughty and maybe a little bitchy (or maybe a lot) to romantic and sappy and a little sad. I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned my elbows on top of them. Eric was sitting so close to me. Just reach out and touch me, I thought. Please just hold me and snuggle me and don't say anything. But he didn't of course. He was still all pissed off and rejected. I leaned my chin on my arms. Fuck fuck fuck, why couldn't he have just visited or called or… anything?! Even though we were sitting this close, I felt completely alone.

Yes yes, stick your fucking tongue down my fucking throat!

I couldn't even look at him without attacking him for a really good, really hard screwing.

"Do you have a diary, Sookie?" Eric asked me, apparently unaware of my completely inappropriate lust.

"What? No. No." I shook my head. Then I shook it again.

"It would be helpful to know what you're thinking sometimes."

"Likewise." I said quietly. Like if right now you're thinking about throwing me down on the floor in front of the hearth.

They're going to kiss! They're kissing and I'm not kissing! And then I was mad all over again.

"I can't…I'm off on Sunday. We can talk then." I said quietly, getting to my feet. Eric took my hand across the sofa, and I looked at it the way one might regard a cold, slimy fish. Or maybe a brand new vibrator. I couldn't decide.

"I look forward to it," Eric said quietly. "I will see you then."

He moved to kiss me, but like some kind of angry fool, I turned my head. His lips brushed my cheek . Then he dropped my hand and walked to the door. It shut behind him with a cold, soft click.

I dropped on the floor to my knees. Sunday was only a few days away. I needed another movie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Awkward Vampire Picture Show**

_Chapter 2_

On Sunday, I was actually ready for him when Eric knocked on my door. It was a few minutes past eight, and the rain had finally cleared up. Unfortunately, it was still unbelievably cold outside. I ushered him in quickly so that I could shut the door and keep the heat from escaping. The Viking stood quietly on my welcome mat and reached out to take my hand. But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to talk about why he'd been missing in action for three months while I was lonely and miserable and out of the freakin' loop. Some part of me wanted to sink into his embrace and pretend the whole thing had never happened. But I just couldn't let the pain go. Thankfully, I'd rented another movie to put the pain aside.

"What did you get?" Eric asked after I'd sat him down on the sofa with a bottle of warm True Blood and a coaster.

"It's called _27 Dresses_," I replied. It had been awhile since I'd seen the film (at the Shreveport cinema, with Claudine), but I knew it couldn't possibly make me as depressed as our last movie night had. There was just no way. This movie was actually funny! And, furthermore, I didn't want to marry Eric.

"What is it about?"

"A woman who keeps getting stuck being a bridesmaid because she's too nice to say no."

"Oh," Eric frowned. There was no way he could relate to this one. We could just sit back and enjoy it.

I thought back to Halleigh and Portia's wedding. It had been beautiful, even though I'd been stuck wearing a bridesmaid dress and too small shoes. Okay, so I'd been a bit miserable standing there as the leftover and awkward member of the bridal party.

"So this is a comedy?" Eric asked me, watching the film. Jane, the main character, was bouncing across town in a cab to spend time at two weddings booked on the same night.

"Yeah," I grinned at the screen. "It's supposed to be silly." I glanced at Eric while Jane's friend talked about having sex with guests at the party. Okay, so if Eric turned to me right now and tried to rip my pajamas off with his teeth, I'd be okay with that.

No Sookie, no. You need to talk before you can have sex, and since you're not ready to talk, you can't skip ahead to the sex!

Ooh, but the sex would be so wonderful. He's so good in bed and he's so well-endowed. Yum, he really looked good naked. Long blond hair and a bare chest and perfectly beautiful porcelain skin and ooh, yeah.

No! Down girl. Luckily no one had sex in this movie…that I could remember.

"There is some sexual tension between these two people, the pretty blond and the man," Eric observed thoughtfully. Oh man, he said sexual. Ooh, sexual. Sex. Sex with Eric. Sex sex sex.

Sookie. STOP.

I stopped and watched the movie. Kevin was looking at how weird and pathetic Jane was. She was in more weddings than seemed humanly possible. I wanted to try on some of the elaborate dresses in her closet, just to see how they fit.

If we got married, we'd have to start the ceremony after sunset.

Oh no. Oh no.

"Sookie?" Eric blinked at me, raising an eyebrow. He sipped blood from the bottle. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing!" I replied, far too perky. Just wedding dresses and cakes and whether or not we could pull off serving blood at an open bar. Maybe this was the wrong choice after all.

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, this is a pretty cute movie. This guy, her boss, he's nice and pretty and…"

"And not dating his assistant?" Eric frowned, obviously confused.

"You aren't dating Pam, and she's very pretty."

"Pam likes women, Sookie, and I'm dating you."

Anger. Anger there. Ooh, and hurt. I felt some hurt. He was dating me? Right, and I couldn't read minds.

"Are you dating me? I thought people actually called their dates." Take that, you big blond jerk!

"I thought you weren't ready to talk?" Eric muttered, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm not. I'm not. I'm watching the movie." I turned my attention to the film. Jane and her co-worker were at a party at a big club. I'd only been to one bar that could be considered a "club" and it had been filled with horny humans and hungry vampires. Not exactly a good time. Well, at least not the first few times.

"Her sister is very pretty. Her hair is like yours."

"It isn't, really." I said.

"Sookie?" Eric blinked. I looked up from the movie. What, pretty boy, what do you want?

"What is a bikini wax?" I choked. If I'd been drinking something, it would have come out my nose.

"It's uh…uh…" It's when you get your pubic hair shaved off into some sort of elaborate design in order to entice your sex partner to eye you invitingly, as if he didn't already like the sight of your vagina. "It's a grooming technique."

"I see. Have you done this thing?"

"No."

"Hm. I'm curious about what it looks like."

"Oh." No comment, no comment. Oh boy.

"This film is meant to be funny?" Eric asked me after we'd both sat quietly for awhile.

"Yeah. It's kind of awkward between Tess and Jane and that's supposed to be funny."

"It was more amusing watching you react to a bikini wax," he grinned in that way of his.

"Wh…what?" I blinked.

"I know what a bikini wax is, Sookie. I've been around awhile. I do like the way you take care of yourself in that area, though."

"You…you…!" I squeaked defiantly. Eric chuckled and reached out to take my hand. I looked down at his fingers embracing mine. I thought about jerking my hand away, but George was proposing and it was so sweet.

"This wedding thing...is it important to you?" He was still holding my hand. I was still letting him.

"What?" I remembered thinking about how Bill and I could have…if he'd only asked.

"Recently, a law was passed to allow vampire-human marriages." I couldn't tell if he was being conversational. I regretted choosing this movie in the first place.

"I've never been in a position for it to be important to me," I murmured. And of course, no one had ever asked me.

The topic dropped and I was immediately thankful. I wanted to skip ahead to the parts that weren't awkward and were funny. I fetched up the remote and cradled it thoughtfully. I hit next to jump forward. Eric lifted an eyebrow.

"I wanted funny," I said as if I had to explain myself.

"Oh. Will this be funny?"

"Yes."

After all, it was almost time for the parading of dresses. Eric made a face at the first one.

"Ugh, the pretty woman is going to make herself deliberately ugly?"

"Some of them really aren't that bad," I said.

"Right."

"Wow, women actually agree to that kind of torture?" Eric sneered at another dress.

"Oh I like the Japanese one!" I giggled.

"Wow, that blue one is…oh the pink." Eric stuck out his tongue.

"Hehe, look at that one! It's yellow and frilly and oof,"

"Oh, I like the short one," Eric laughed.

"You would, you pervert!" I was giggling.

"Wedding on horseback?"

"How about a scuba wedding?"

We were both laughing now, screwing up our faces in response to the variety of gowns. I giggled at all of the following comments, particularly the needless Jesus one. Then it got all sappy and sad again. I sighed. We needed more laughter. I looked over at the Viking, still wearing a hint of a smile. He reached up to finger my hair. I closed my eyes.

"We need more comedy," I whispered.

"You have a beautiful smile, Sookie." It was a good line. It was really good.

"Definitely more comedy," I murmured, a little breathless.

"I agree." If only I had the guts to open up to him, to make this whole weird thing go away.

I skipped ahead again, looking for the funny. Suddenly the characters were in a car in the rain, not talking. Wow, that looked familiar. Kevin and Jane were at a bar, getting sloshed.

"Can you drink?" I asked Eric curiously. The vampires on _Buffy_ could drink.

"I cannot get drunk. Human food and drink tend to make me ill."

"Oh. Bummer,"

"Bummer?"

"Yeah. Like that sucks. It's a bummer. Oh shuttup, I love this part!" I grinned. I was already mouthing the words to Benny and the Jetts.

"She has electric boobs?" Eric smirked.

"Yep. Electric boobs." I danced on the sofa.

"I wonder how you would make them electric," Eric looked at my chest thoughtfully.

"If anyone would know, you would," I snickered.

"Mm, perhaps you're right."

The people in the movie were having sex in a car and I was thinking about electric boobs. Sexual tension. There it was. I felt a little shiver of pleasure. I had dropped Eric's hand somewhere along the way. Could I grab it again without his noticing? I stuck my hand in the middle of the couch. Maybe he could reach for it and… and then the movie was sad again.

I remembered how he hadn't called and before he could touch my fingers, I put my hand back in my lap. Smooth Sookie, really smooth.

It was all depressing again with the article in the paper and Kevin and everything. I frowned. When was the movie going to be funny again? Oh yeah, not for awhile. Damnit. I leaned back on the sofa cushions and watched uncomfortably. Tess had even gone and cut up their mother's wedding dress. For a split second, I remembered my own parents. I'd always been closer to my Gran than to either my mom or my dad. I wondered if Gran's wedding dress was still around. Unfortunately, I didn't have any prospects. There was no point looking for it.

"Sookie?" Eric frowned. I was probably broadcasting my discontent. Either my eyes were glazed or he could feel my emotional response through that crazy bond we shared. I sighed.

"I'm fine. This is just a sad part of the movie."

"It's only a film," he said, but his eyes were sad. He reached out and took my hand again. I stiffened, but I let him.

"I know," I whispered.

"It seems not to be so comedic anymore," Eric said quietly. "You look unhappy, Sookie."

"I…" I frowned. I was unhappy. Some part of me just wanted to give in.

"I know," he murmured. "You're not ready to talk. Come here, my lover."

I moved closer to him, and he pulled me into his embrace. When I was leaning on his shoulder, he lightly kissed my hair. We sat there together, silently, while we watched the end of the film. Kevin apologized for being a jerk, and he came bearing gifts. Jane was miserable and felt guilty. Things weren't going so well. I tried to be comfortable. I thought about skipping ahead to the romantic ending. When I picked up the remote, Eric took it from me and set it down on the coffee table.

"You have to get through the bad parts before you can enjoy the happy ending," he sighed. His lips touched my temple and I closed my eyes. The unhappy parts were still looming over me. I wanted them to end so badly.

"Right," I frowned.

"So now she'll fall for the boss?" We were watching the film again.

"Office romances are too difficult," I replied without actually answering.

"He is a good kisser."

"I've had better," I allowed myself a little smile. Eric smiled too.

"She's going after Kevin," I smiled a little wider. I love happy endings.

"It seems you enjoy movies where the woman does something stupid and then goes to make up with the man of her dreams."

"Are you trying to imply something?" But I was laughing. He was right.

"No, not at all." He pulled me closer, tucking me under his elbow.

"He's going to kiss her," I mused. My voice was all sweet and giggly. I was right, because that's how these movies always end. Eric's lips looked particularly kissable right now.

He was right though. We needed to get through the rough stuff before we could dig up our happy ending. I wasn't ready to talk yet. But maybe if he gave me a few more days, another movie, then I'd be ready.

Jane was getting married, on a beach, in the sun. My heart panged a little. I'd never be there with Eric. A huge part of me wanted to be there, right there, with a 1,000 year old vampire on my arm. I nestled closer to him.

When the credits started rolling, I got up from the sofa. He followed me to the front door, his hand still holding mine. It was cold outside, but I couldn't seem to feel it so much anymore.

"When will you be off again?" Eric asked gently. His long hair fluttered in the breeze.

"Wednesday night," I replied. I felt a little sad seeing him go. It was only eleven. There was a long night stretching ahead.

"I'll be thinking of you." He leaned close to me and dropped my hand to take my cheek. His lips touched mine, just gently enough to make me want more. It took a lot of strength to hold back.

"Good night."

I shut the door as he walked down the porch steps. I needed another movie.


	3. Chapter 3

**Awkward Vampire Picture Show**

_Chapter 3_

When Wednesday rolled around, I thought about other classic romantic comedies like _When Harry Met Sally_ and _Notting Hill_ but a new film sat on the shelf at the video store. I hadn't seen it yet, and I was pretty curious. Something on the cover told me it might be comedic. Anne Hathaway had this flirtatious smile on her face, and I was intrigued.

"You've been rentin' a lot of movies lately, Sookie," Henry George grinned at me. Henry owned the video store.

"There was nothing new at the library," I said, paying him the two dollar rental charge. I scrambled back to my car in the cold, stopped for some fast food on the way home, and arrived just as Eric's headlights appeared at the end of the driveway. I waited for him to pull up in front of the house and we walked in together.

"Good evening, Sookie," he said gently, eyeing the video in my hand. Whether or not he could sense my misgivings about our talk, he said nothing about it. He held the door open for me and we walked in together.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked. Eric shook his head. He looked particularly attractive in a black button up shirt and a pair of dark washed denim jeans. I imagined him taking me in his arms and leading me away to the bedroom. When he didn't, we moved to the sofa together.

Eric took the DVD from me and put it in the player. He turned the box over in his hands.

"_Becoming Jane_?" He read the title.

"I've always liked Jane Austen novels as movies. If I ever actually had time to read her books, well, I'd probably love them too."

"I haven't had the pleasure." He sat down beside me, a little closer than he had before. "Is this a comedy as well?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I've never seen it."

The film began playing and when Eric slid out his arm to pull me against him, I didn't refuse his touch. I leaned against his body and he turned slightly to tuck me against his chest. His palm rested lightly on my thigh, and together we giggled when the blond woman and the man met in the hall in only their bed clothes.

"This is the story of the author's life?" Eric asked me, leaning his lips on my cheek.

"I guess so." I was thoughtful for a minute. "Did you dress that way once?"

"In the classical dresses? No, Sookie," he smirked at me.

"You know what I mean," I stuck out my tongue.

"I did, once. I prefer the modern dress, though. Too many buttons on those vests and britches."

"I don't know, I think they're attractive." I shrugged. "Do you like the dresses?"

"At that time, as I recall, the ankle and the bare arm were considered daring flesh." He shook his head. I guess that meant no.

"Ooh," I beamed, changing my interest from the gowns to the bare chested male lead. He was a smaller man, but had a beautiful face. His muscles weren't too bad either.

"Which man?" Eric asked, though he was only mildly interested.

"They're both nice," I giggled. With the shorter man, there was a taller blond equally attractive if clothed.

"I see,"

"Oh don't worry, you sour puss. It's only a movie." I laughed, nudging him with my elbow.

"Would you enjoy it if I complimented the women?" I screwed up my mouth. Of course not. "Hm, thought not."

"He has a nice face is all," I shrugged, trying to play it off.

"It is unusual to see a woman writer," Eric murmured, changing the topic.

"That's the thing about Jane Austen," I said. I'd read about her in a library book. "She was one of the first respected and published women. She didn't even publish as a man."

"I don't remember her work at all, but then, I wasn't in England at the time." Sometimes it was so weird hearing him talk about the past. He'd been there. Strange.

"She writes comedy?" Eric asked me as if I knew.

"I guess so," I shrugged.

"He's a dick," I sneered, referring to the male lead.

"Does that make him less attractive?" Eric smirked.

"A little. No one appreciates an asshole, no matter how pretty he is," I said thoughtfully.

"Well, it appears he's getting his comeuppance. Walking through the mud in the woods."

"I hope he gets lost. Heh, he's certainly clumsy enough." I giggled.

"See, see, he's really a jerk!" I frowned. He was panning the reading of novels, something I really liked.

"Easy, lover," Eric smirked, stroking the back of my neck. "It's only a movie."

The scene changed and Jane was at a ball. I couldn't remember when I'd last been dancing. I liked it well enough but it was difficult to find someone who could dance. I winced when Jane's date tripped over her feet. Eric shook his head sadly.

"Okay, he dances, that's a point in his favor."

"Dancing has changed since then," Eric shrugged.

"He isn't a bad dancer." I shrugged. "Do you dance?"

"Sometimes," he smiled. "Do you?"

"Sometimes." I smiled flirtatiously.

"What was it she said?" I asked. The characters were at a game of cricket.

"She said 'Flirting is a woman's trade. One must keep in practice.'"

"Oh, interesting." I giggled.

"Ah, a woman who steps outside her role, you must like that." Eric chuckled as Jane played cricket.

"I do, actually," I smiled. Being a girl could be pretty boring if you were too careful.

"Ooh, naked!" I squealed before I remembered my company. Eric smirked. He tweaked my arm a little. "Ow!"

"You're shameless," Eric raised one eyebrow and attempted a frown.

"Oh like you wouldn't enjoy Anne Hathaway getting naked and jumping in a lake!"

"I'd enjoy you getting naked, lover. Otherwise, I don't much care."

"Like I believe that," I frowned.

"What…what is he reading to her?" I blinked.

"I believe it's smut." Eric laughed.

"They had…but they didn't…" I stumbled over the words.

"Of course they did! Pornography has a long history, Sookie." He ran his finger along my hip. "That book she's reading now…for instance."

"The picture doesn't seem to leave much to the imagination." I frowned, turning my head to look at it.

"True," he murmured, kissing the base of my neck. I shivered a little, trying to remember that we were still at odds. Pulling away was difficult.

We watched the fair scene in silence, my arms tickled with gooseflesh. Once again, men were fighting. I watched with my mouth slightly open. I'd been to wars but the fights didn't have this kind of peculiar grace. That was the thing about movies. They made even the harshest things look beautiful. Eric's arm was firm around my hip. I wasn't sure what he was feeling. I wasn't even sure what I was feeling.

"Are you enjoying the movie?" Eric murmured near my ear. I nodded after a pause.

"But if some of Austen's stories are autobiographical at all, I think the next scene is going to be bad."

"Oh?" He looked at the movie thoughtfully. I sighed. Boy they looked awkward. I knew all about that. Memory crept up my spine.

"Oh, he's proposing," Eric frowned.

"Yeah, that's not…not good."

"Which story does she use that in?"

"Pride and Prejudice," I sighed. Poor guy. Rejection is…tough.

"It was difficult for women to be single then," Eric was reminiscing again.

"It still is." I said flatly.

"I…yes, it still is."

"It hasn't destroyed mine yet," I whispered to the movie. Sure, being poor was tough, but it wasn't the hardest thing I'd ever faced.

"You're a strong woman, Sookie."

"So is Jane," I pointed out.

"Hmm, yes, but I couldn't see Jane as a barmaid."

"She's too smart,"

"No. No, Sookie, you're very smart. Jane is too fragile." He pulled me roughly against him, as if to show me how fragile I wasn't.

"She's dancing with the man she rejected?" Eric blinked at the screen.

"She was looking for Tom," I frowned.

"He's a brave man."

"Maybe he's like you. He keeps coming after a woman who's pushed him away."

We both smiled. Then Tom was back in the picture, dancing with Jane. They looked perfect together, unable to take their eyes off one another. I felt a little catch in my throat. When Jane ran out of the room to avoid Tom, I wanted him to run right after her.

"If he's any kind of a man, he'll follow her," Eric said slowly.

"But he didn't."

"No, he didn't." His voice was tight.

"Look, there he is!" I pointed with a hopeful voice. And then they were standing together.

"Hm, too late maybe,"

"It's never too late," I whispered.

When Jane went in for the kiss, not Tom, my heart gave a little jump. He held her neck, and she trembled. I watched them scramble away into the dark, all heavy breathing and declarations of love. I dug my fingers into Eric's arm. I wanted them to be together so badly that I actually ached.

"You're getting into this," Eric remarked quietly.

"I love a good romance." I grinned. I giggled when they touched hands on their way up the stairs.

I looked up when I felt eyes on me. Eric was looking down at me, away from the screen. His mouth was turned up into a closed lip smile. I couldn't help but giggle. He chuckled and darted his attention back to the movie. We watched Jane have her dreams disheartened by a fellow writer. I sighed a little at how hard it was to be a woman with a profession. Even though I didn't know what it was like for her, I felt a little sadness.

"This isn't going to end well," Eric said quietly.

"Don't say that!" But I knew he was telling the truth. This definitely wasn't a comedy.

"Oh no," I whimpered. "Oh no."

"Ssh, lover," Eric mumbled near my earlobe.

"It's not fair. They love each other." I was protesting. "He can't, he can't reject her for money."

"It's hard to live without it, Sookie,"

"But they love each other!" I could feel little tears in the corners of my eyes.

No no, he couldn't. He couldn't cast her away like that. If you can't be together with consent, you're supposed to be together without it! I let out a little whimper.

"I hope he's sad! I hope he gets down on his knees and begs her to take him back." I shook my fist at the movie. Eric pulled me closer, soothing my hair with his hand. He leaned his chin on my head. On the screen, a man rode through the rain on horseback. I felt my breath catch in my throat. Maybe, maybe it was Tom.

A butler delivered a letter to Mr. Austen and my mouth dropped open a little when he read it. I took in a deep breath when everyone looked to Cassandra, Jane's sister.

Oh no.

"No," I said out loud. My skin shivered. "No…"

Her husband. I just knew her husband…

"Poor Cassandra," I whispered. "Oh, oh God, something about Tom?"

My fingers clenched tightly into fists. "Engaged?" I barked at the screen. "He's engaged?! But he loves Jane!"

Tears stung my eyes.

"Ssh, Sookie," he was soothing beside me, but not enough to calm me down.

"She's going to accept Mr. Wesley's proposal?" I choked. She couldn't possibly tie herself to someone she didn't love. My mouth hung open. I whirled around to look at Eric. He was almost as stunned. "She can't!"

"It won't work with the other man, Sookie. Wouldn't you rather see her taken care of?"

"No!" I balked.

"He can't be engaged! Maybe he's just…fibbing."

"Maybe," Eric frowned.

"Ooh, they're…oh…" I blinked, holding Eric's hand as I pointed at the screen. Tom and Jane were kissing. Oh it was wonderful.

"He can't run away with her, Sookie."

"Can to! They can!"

Total denial. If you watched _Pride and Prejudice_, you knew they couldn't.

"Sookie, this is going to make you sad."

"No, no it'll be okay! They'll be together." I knew they wouldn't be.

To my surprise, Eric lifted me into his lap. He pressed my cheek against his shoulder and grabbed the afghan off the back of the sofa to wrap over me. I curled my body against his. I braced myself for the end of the film that I knew would be sad.

They looked so perfect together.

I leaned forward as much as I could. My lower lip trembled. Tears. There were tears now. Eric's hand on my spine was soothing, but I was still deeply saddened. Don't get in the coach, Jane. You can't ever go back. My whole figure trembled.

"She can't…" I whimpered.

But she had. And now it was a spiral of complete sadness. I didn't want to lose Eric the way Jane and lost Tom. Sure, it wasn't comparable, but I suddenly felt even more disappointed than I had before. I was finally inspired to speak to him.

I brushed my cheeks with the back of my hand and leaned back against the Viking. The afghan was warm even though he was not. Eric was firm and real and there behind me even though he'd been apart from me for a time. I was ready to have him back in my life, as much as our work would allow.

"It's him," I whispered, tugging on Eric's sleeve. "It's Tom."

New tears. There were new tears, lots of them. Oh man.

"Hard to keep away from the woman you love," Eric said gently. I looked at him over my shoulder.

"I don't want you to leave," I whispered when the movie ended.

"Then I won't," he replied simply.


End file.
